To Go Forward One Must Purge The Past

by
Filed under: Stories 

Tarot Side of LifeI can’t answer why some choose ignorance over wisdom. For me, I’ve come to know the planets do in fact influence the body of Earth and its inhabitants. Let it be said that there is NO greater influence to the inhabitant entities here other than that of Free Will.

Which means, those who choose to express Free Will over any other influence, will still experience the influence of others who are not so devout to their ownership of such a gift. God help us.

Being an Aries, having the rising sign of Mars lately has been at an all time high when it comes to the madness of Mars.

One challenge seems to be compounding upon another.
Financial challenges, family challenges, spiritual & emotional challenges… I’d go into it, but…

Oh what the hell why not, another Dark night of the soul for me last night. I’d had it, I’m fed up. The cards have been giving me what I wanted to hear. And they seemed to continue to get more enlightened as to their meanings.. Yet the current situation for this soul has increased in the negative.

So when I asked what it all means for me, I pulled The World. TheWorld

Now, There’s a thought going round to claim your responsibility for everything that happens in your life. Everything. But after a while, like decades, it seems that this is just plain bullshit. Maybe its true maybe it isn’t.

I started recalling all the things out of my control which happened to me.

Abusive parent, lack of a productive grounded role model, unprotected from predators, denied audience with people of the cloth, betrayed by family and friends, falsely accused too many times to account here.

I once tried to get work in Vegas through the union as an electrician, the deal was to get the lead from the union hall, get in and start organizing. I made it clear, I’m not organizing until I’ve gotten a foot hold on some stability, I’m a family man for godsake. Help me get straight and I’ll start spreading the word.

Nine W2′s later in one year, shop after electrical shop would let me go after 3-4 weeks after hiring me because they got word I was organizing… But I wasn’t. Three weeks to a month is not what I call stable.

And the one shop I went to outside the hall kept me on, but a pattern was showing itself from within the ranks which I couldn’t help but notice. Those who asked for a raise, within a week received a pink slip. So when my foreman came to me and asked why I wouldn’t ask for a raise, I was very clear in my knowledge. “Because I need the job, I’m not stupid and don’t you frickin dare go and ask for me…” Three weeks later he asked for me…

I got my slip…fired

I made a break, knowing the only path that was ever narrowing, was my exit from existence. I made a desperate call and got a ticket back to NY.

Meditating and praying every day & night. for 2.5 years sleeping on one of those roll-up foam chair / bed things and no steady work outside of some time with Radio Shack. Where I became the radio shack answer man before there was one. Remember the RS Answer Man?

Anyway things started looking up. I took a $5 / hour job with some computer company and began my career with information technology.

After 9 months of no raise and very little to send back to my daughter and no way of getting my own place I bounced. Took a chance with a company called Banctec. Became a support person for every make and model desktop – laptop on the market from Hewlett Packard, Dell & Compaq to Sony and Toshiba. I became a hardware, software support expert.

But the pay sucked…

So I bounced again, took another chance with Compucom for a spell as a contract employee.. Time was up and they chose someone else instead of me. But I was pointed to their competitor Entex, where I moved through the ranks briskly and wound up in a project management position.

When I started Entex had a whole floor in a building on Madison Ave. Within three years the office was a ghost town. So I know it was only a matter of time before I was next on the cutting floor.

So I bounced once again.Super_Geek

This little adventure worked out that every-time I bounced I got at least a $10k raise in my income. This last bounce pushed me to a $20k raise.
But  I had to go independent contractor, incorporate and deal with 1099′s.

Yes things were looking up. Or so I thought.

3 months into the new location at the world trade center, I did a roll-out where we replace old hardware with new for every department of Deutsche Bank

So we get a department with a semi big-wig. Everything was per protocol, back ups, builds, restores and finally the roll-out with a warranty disclaimer to not do anything physical or software wise for at east 48 hours… They decided to negate the warranty. And all the new machines were going down left and right.

I did the right thing and extended the support for 3 days after the allotted time and they were still having issues. Finally we got everything back to normal. But that wasn’t good enough and the bigwig made a call to another bigwig and my head was on the chopping block.

Demoted from my position to satisfy the bigwig client and I was eventually bumped to a new location. This time pure on the floor support for an advertizing company called Foote Cone & Belding, or something like that.. FCB for short…

All was doing okay.. again I had assumed it was…
Some guys who were on top of their game were getting axed, and many months later were still out of work… The signs were not looking good.
I get a call to fix a palm pilot that wasn’t syncing properly and kept crashing in its process… I have to admit I got a weird feeling when they closed the door to the office and let me do my magic.

20 minutes later I’m done and out of there, everything back to normal. Until three days later I say hello to the person with the palm pilot and get a real nasty glance back. “Da hell was THAT about?” I wondered.. I found out…

Some idiot had called that client and made some totally stupid remarks in a sexual tense and went on to mention items that were in her palm pilot.
They made me the only one with that information so I was the the only likely culprit. Now I’m being told I’m to be let go because the client won’t continue the company’s contract unless I’m gone…

I’ll add this, before my termination it was discovered that the owner of North Point Communication the owner of FCB, had a younger family member VIP, who had made several of these calls to several female employees of FCB and she was one of them, but that didn’t matter. He was untouchable. And I was. So…. off with my head.youre-fired

I had just gotten back from my honeymoon when this happened.

Also, no lawyer will take this case, your guilty even if proven innocent.

Great….

Remember Banctec? They lost major contracts with Met-life one of their biggest clients. Left the hardware support thing and outsourced everything to India. Now does Healthcare and Imaging processes..

Entex? Was bought out by Siemens Intl. who scraped the whole company.

Compucom? Flailed a little longer than Entex but fell to its own demise and became an after thought. Never to be seen again.

FCB? Another after thought. Bought out by Adbrands.net, but God only knows what that means.

Six months no work, no leads and I’m floundering cause unemployment is just about up. I get a call from a friend of a friend. “C’mon on down, I have a client who totally messed up their network and can’t get any reports done.”

I’m there in a heart beat. Within the third visit it became apparent that this friend of a friend had very little clue as to what to do for this company. In fact it seemed every-time he came the original problem got fixed but spawned new and exciting problems for the client.

Approached by one of the clients consultants, I was asked if I would consider a position. “Absolutely!” I exclaimed. One of my first duties was to relieve said friend from his constant calls to this company. I had enuff problems cleaning up their home-built network for this little known international company to last an IT tech’s lifetime without some Seagull consultant coming in making a lot of noise and shitting all over the place.

Within 2 months the Mail server dies and their network is cutoff by AT& F’n T and we’re back on dial up as fast as I can get the damn thing going… I got a hold of a dear friend and wizbang genius who was on his own to restore the mail-server and get it back in place.. Thus earning me a warm spot in the heart of the CFO of the company.

I’m tooling along now, life is great, I’m hiring friends who were out of work and building my team of support for this watch company who was slowly selling themselves to their outside accounting firm.

Not to mention the owner has now inherited the company from his father who built this little empire from scratch and literally owned the building on the corner of Queens Blvd and Northern Blvd. This new owner who has the not so, secret reputation of being a womanizer only hiring secretaries who are lets say, well proportioned in the exaggerated?

This owner who asks me if we’re secure, if our info is safe. Apparently he has some apprehensions… Well even if you lock down and secure the data best you can, you still can’t rule out human potential. “Hard copies are impossible to secure unless you have the resources of a defense contractor” I tell him.

I’m suddenly witnessing catastrophic levels of layoffs within the company. Huge areas which were teaming with life are now becoming ghost towns… Hmmm.. this looks frighteningly familiar. Heads of departments who once thought they were going to retire within a year or two are severed from their positions…dejavu-alloveragain

To make matters worse, one of the so-called friend I hired is making suggestives to female employees and not only getting busted for them but decides to hand over a laptop that used to belong to a female salesperson who just got the axe… All this in less than a months time.

Bye bye Dan, it was nice, but not so nice… Why? Because it happened on my watch. Not to mention, I had just mortgaged a house and we just found out a week ago, we’re pregnant.

MZ Berger Watch Repair and Design; Gone. They were the leading income earner in that area of Queens NY & second in the industry only to Bulova.

Out of my control…

I won’t go into my wife who was on Paxil when I met her, post traumatic stress from the irreparable abuse and torment of her father and others, medically diagnosed as bipolar who forgets conversations at the worst opportune times, who was at 9/11 next to building 7 smoking a cigarette when the second one hits… during the pregnancy the following year, has full blown panic attacks, after the birth of our angel, who was born on my 40th, goes into postpartum depression and makes my life a living hell as if it wasn’t already without any of her help.

Nor will I go into the insanity my first daughter had endured during my lack of presence… That one I won’t go into at all… just hurts too gotdamn much and makes me homicidal.

The struggle continued for years like this afterwards.
Another smash in the face like these occurred in 2008 with another bounce that I wrote about sometime back.

You can read that here..     Confused No More

and it’s followed up here..  You Think You know My Story

So yesterday was yesterday, and tomorrow is tomorrow and right now I’m divorced with a second darling daughter. This one I get to see unlike my first whom every time I got a chance to save to visit something would take the cash away.. Education loans, taxes, medical attention you name it, it came and made things harder.

Is there a moral to the story? You betcha!
Life sucks and you move on.

And to think.. there really are people out there who really would trade places with me. Am I grateful? Yes. Why? “Expletive” if I know.

All I know is…
1.)  Ya can’t keep a good man down &…
2. )  I am the proverbial Come Back Kid.

Purge & Release Time | The Respite:

Obviously, no tale like this can go on without a counterpoint.
Beat down and bruised, our egos continue their travells learning new ways and means to take our lives and turn them every which-a-way.

Situations pass, some take longer than others. Are there some good times in there? Hell yeah there are! Are there times that absolutely made you feel like the world was your oyster? Yes, yes indeed there were!

Can you allow the past insanity to be just that, the past?
Yes, I’m sure you can.

Can you allow tomorrow to be unwritten with no connection to the past?
Yes, I think you can do that too…

Being practical and being a realist doesn’t mean that unpredictability doesn’t happen.
In fact, it happens all the time. Change happens in the blink of an eye, and yes sometimes it does take longer than one would like.

The change we create in ourselves though. This can take as long or as short a time as we decide.  Our personal power, our Will Power if you like, is ours to dominate. It’s ours and no one elses.

If we commit to our decisions, and act upon those commitments, then change can only be experienced and not a wishful dream wafting in the breeze.

Today this very day, I am in control of my Free Will, I erase whatever emotional attachments I have to the past, and go forth accepting that this is just my story. One of thousands I have accumulated over this lifetime. But a story of our lives is not finished until our last breathe is taken, and even then, how  we’ve affected others can live on for centuries ye even a millenia if we stay commited and true to ourselves.

The rest is still unwritten….

Until the next post
Stay focused
Dan Lopez

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