I was in big trouble

by
Filed under: Stories 

I was starving and stoned… Under the guise of the usual hay-fever allergy sufferer, I managed to get away with the red eyes my getting high produced…

Today? Heh Heh… Today, this day some decades ago, would prove to be a huge challenge…

Sitting slacker style at the dining room table doing, what I remember to be, my homework, I was completely oblivious to what I had started only minutes ago..

My brother and sister sat quietly opposite me and my father was on the living room couch mindless as usual watching some newscaster ramble on about the state of things at the time…

That’s when I heard it, I wasn’t quite sure what I was hearing but it wasn’t normal. That’s what I kept telling myself, (that can’t be normal.) But I had no idea what it was until I looked up and my heart dropped a thousand feet.. Black smoke was pouring out of the kitchen as the crackling sound became louder and louder…

I jumped from my seat and bolted into the kitchen to see my poor chicken patties had blazed from their pan of oil, roasting the entire stove area..

The range was a black melted mess the clock on the wall was dripping streak of plastic and the ceiling… The ceiling was nowhere to be seen, hidden by the majestic black cloud of smoke and soot heralded by the eight foot flame still roaring from the pan I had absentmindedly placed there only minutes ago.

Pushing passed my fear, knowing I was about to get my ass whipped for this one for sure… I ran to the pan and grabbed the handle, lifted it off the stove while it still roared violently, flames engulfed my face and I put the pan on the linoleum floor fast as I could…

Can you just picture the floor melting from the heat?

I tried 2 more times to get the pan under control but it was just too much for me and had to be placed on the floor a few more times before I made it to the sink..

Where I, like the genius I am, proceeded to run water into the pan to squelch the flames… Of course, that did what you might expect and I got even more scorched in the process as the flaming oil leaped out with the greatest nasty hiss I’ve ever heard in my life… This time I could not only feel but smell the stench of burning flesh as my mind raced to come to some conclusion of the insanity I had created.

In what seemed like a flash my father was in the kitchen with me and threw a towel over the pan and stopped the flames… If I hadn’t been burned all over, I think he would have killed me on the spot…



I look back jokingly, on the occasion today… I healed pretty quickly and the scars did a good job of blending in to my natural skin tone…

But the thing is….

My mother hated that kitchen and to this day Thanks God I destroyed it and gave her the excuse to give it a much needed overhaul.

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