How my first love damn near killed me

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Filed under: Stories 

“Hey! What the hell is wrong with you!?” firstlove

That’s what I heard from a caring citizen…

And you know what?

I’ve been trying to answer that for years…
Renee’ was one of the most sweetest, beautiful girls you
could have ever dreamed of falling in love with…

At the ripe ole age of eight, I was blessed to be with her.
We identified with each other on so many levels it was kinda scary by today’s measures.

Renée and I always felt better when we were in each others presence. I can’t even begin to say how much time we spent together but it felt like an eternity, until one day we got the word that she was moving.

Most of the time that we spent together we used to talk about how our families were behaving, how our homes had begun to turn into a battle ground.

Looking at the families in the early seventies, there was a lot of animosity about how the economy was affecting our current state of life. Changes were inevitable if they were ever going to keep up with the challenges.

This, was what the (Real) issue was in those days.

But at our age, we knew nothing of the way of the world and decided, internalizing things was easier, than grasping any other concepts… It was our fault.

Our fault that our parents were arguing, our fault that life wasn’t what we thought it should be, our fault that was driving our families to live far and away from our being able to see each other.

This was way too much for our fragile hearts to handle.

Mind you…

The truth was, she was only moving to the other side of Queens BLVD. A six lane monstrosity that stretched from Jamaica to Long Island City (the last stop before Manhattan).

But in our eyes, it may as well have been Chicago. Cuz at our age crossing the Blvd alone was suicide. Crazy right?

So when the word came she was leaving, we decided to take matters into our own hands.

Right in front of my apartment building in Queens,
we made a pact that we were going to leave this world together. We grasped each others hands, closed our eyes (well, I know I did) and laid down in the middle of the street, waiting for the inevitable.

That’s when we heard the screech & the angry concerned driver who had to a slam the brakes but ten feet before us.

I’ll never forget that day.. nor will I forget the year later while playing on that same street this really tall gorgeous darling riding up on her bicycle with long brown flowing hair stop before me with eyes buggin out of her head in stark amazement…

DANNY!?!?!

Holy crap, it was Renee’, and she was ravishing. Suddenly it hit me like a wall of raging flames…

“She was totally Out Of My League”.

A year had passed and she had physically & emotionally matured and I had basically stayed same ole “Shorty Lopez”.

We never quite connected again like we had before.

I blame myself for this, I had developed a wall of defense against heartache. Renee was the only one ever for me. But this was not the Renee I knew…

I had no idea how to transition and accept her metamorphosis.your-first-love

I was even more crazy about this person than I was when I was eight. But, the loss of her presence and the return of this goddess had fried my synapse (the portion that said “Talk to her, You Idiot, she still wants you in her life!”)

Ahhh well.. nine year olds.. what can I say?

I came across an interesting article that I’m still trying to digest. But it seems to make a lot of sense…

I don’t know the person and I have no idea what I was doing when I stumbled across it. But it has a lot to do with breaking barriers…

Which I do have an affinity with…

– Changing Your Story –>
http://www.harmonyinandout.com/Blog/2010/10/22/changing-your-story/

Till the next post,
Be Focused…
Dan, the Un-Guru

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