Breaking Barriers

by
Filed under: Focus, Mind, Spirit, Stories 

Sometimes, what’s really holding you back are the
very things that have been haunting you all your life.

These are the very essences of beliefs.. how do I know?
Very recently I had to face one of the biggest beliefs that have haunted me since I was nine years old.

Because of the extremely sensitive nature of this belief
I can and will only divulge this info to those who care about
changing they’re own destructive negative belief.

I can tell you it was a statement, just one single solitary
statement.. which, by itself could have been fluffed off had it
been made at a different time of my life…

But since it happened during a very influential time, it became quite real. I believed it. I believed it because situations in my life
seemed to be proving that it was true.

Things just weren’t happening for me. Nothing was ever going right.
When things did go right, they seemed to be short lived and lasted only for brief periods.. to the point where hard times became a way a of life.

No matter the amount of effort I would put into improving myself,
my learning, my knowledge, my wisdom, my abilities and my professional skills… My belief lived on.

You with me so far?

Even as I write this I can literally hear the shadow of that statement being made in my minds ear with distinct clarity. The only difference
between now and my last thirty six years of living is…
It Is NOT True For Me Any More.

I can repeat the statement to myself today, right now and I can just feel within my heart of hearts that this is NOT true.

But only a short while ago, this was not the case. I was completely
and emphatically under the spell of this statement. It was true…
There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was true..
How else could I explain my life? There was no other statement that could completely sum up he very fiber of my existence.

Until I changed it.

I’m not talkin about some fluffy little challenge here to overcome some little anxiety you may be experiencing now and again…
I’m talking a belief so debilitating that I literally would sit completely imobilized by the sheer weight of the belief. Unable to communicate or take action in any form.

I would isolate for very long periods..
I would be questioned by friends and family and have absolutely no answer for them. I would be stuck in my head for what seemed like hours weeks months and even years and still not be any where better than when I started.

This is the kind of thing that…
Counseling couldn’t help.
Therapy couldn’t help.
Reading couldn’t help.
Drugs couldn’t help.
Wealth couldn’t help.
Prayers couldn’t help.
Meditations couldn’t help
Affirmations couldn’t help.
Education couldn’t help.
Music couldn’t help.
Sex couldn’t help, well, for a time anyways.
Self help couldn’t help, nor could NLP practitioners.

Nothing, I mean NO THING would help.

After all for 36 some odd years I didn’t even know what the hell it was to begin with..

Then suddenly I started hearing things like
limiting beliefs
negative beliefs and
limiting negative beliefs..
Yeah, I know, same thing, but what the hell?

I mean, I lived a decent childhood up to a certain point, when all hell broke loose… As do most adolecents…
But this was, for many, a time when the adults in our lives were undergoing massive shifts in their own lives.. Things just sucked for everyone… Alcoholism was more than a way of life, it was life.
Child abuse was just a form of dicipline, living in terror was a norm.
Or just being ignored was actually a form of Gods Grace.

Now I may or may not be exaggerating a bit, I know of a few who were actually hospitalized during these times of their lives or even worse raped for some… being sexually abused was just another chain of events that proved the belief. When reaching out and trying to expose my tormentors I was rebuked as they were friends of the family and would never be expected to have acted out in such manor, so I must be delusional right?

Anyways…

I knew there was something wrong, but for the life of me
I could not in no definitive way place the exact point on what was
destroying me every living minute of the day.

Until one day it just hit me…
It was at a climatic time in my life…

[to be continued...]

[Breaking Barriers Continued]

I got tired of  this condition.
I couldn’t go any further in life.
I was going to find out what the heck this limiting belief  was.

I was so stuck in a rut, I couldn’t do any work.

Seriously, in defense of my past….

I’ve taken e-mailing lists and generated 10′s of thousands of dollars in revenue.
I had built content, webdesign and components to a flourishing $4 thousand a month membership site.
I’ve studied 30 years of search engine optimization, and within hours get placed on the 1st page of Google, Yahoo or MSN for almost any keyword phrase I wished.
I teamed up with a friend and helped generate 90 thousand unique visitors to a sales page in hours.

Bare with me here a minute, [this is not bragamony] this has to be said…

I’ve worked with the biggest financial firms in the industry.
I went from $5  an hour to $57 thousand in 2 years.
Then the dot-com bubble burst. And I jumped on a $50k job, and earned a $25k raise in 2 months.

I started from below algebra- math level to Calculus-II in 4 months.
Held over 67 certifications from hardware and networking vendors around the globe.
Went from electrical engineer to computer networking systems engineer in 3 years.
[Whew... those business cards sucked]

I then  made VP of IT in 6 months. [better looking business cards too]

I broke personal records and achievements I didn’t even know I could break.

And here I was…  lifeless, unable to think past my next meal, my next cup of coffee, my next breath.
It was as if my spirit had departed. And all that was left, was a lifeless husk of animal crap that couldn’t even be used for fertilizer.

What the hell was I telling myself, that I believed, so whole heartedly, I could no longer function?

I mentioned previously I wouldn’t divulge the exact statement…
Well, I changed my mind…

The statement told to me, when I was young, was:
YOU, Are A Worthless Piece of Shit, That Will Never Amount To Anything!

And I believed it.

That one little statement was repeated, like it was tattooed to my forehead.
I heard it in my thoughts like an agonizing subliminal tape from morning till night.

Never looking in the mirror for any length of time because it was just too painful.
Not while shaving or anything else. I couldn’t look myself in the eye.
There was no love there, only self loathing.

Because I believed, what wasn’t true.

I had to decided to take this shit to the street, as they say from my school days.
My accuser was coming and it was time for this viscous cycle to end.
If  I was to ever see the light of day and be the Me I am to be?
This had to stop now, once, and for all!

Separated from my wife and child, living in my fathers cabin,,, he was coming.
Coming to tell me it was time for me to pack up.
To make my broken down Corolla my permanent home.
No! This was ending, ending right here, right now!

I am NOT what was told me.
I repeated saying that, (I kid you not), 2000 times.
And the fear I had, I was about to face head-on.

At this point even if he DID make me leave.

I wasn’t leaving worthless.

I wasn’t leaving as a no amount to nothing future failure.

I was staying or I was leaving, a Man, god-dammit!

The details are so crazy, that when it came to the point of actually confronting my accuser..
It had actually dawned on me, that I didn’t need to get this person to tell me this wasn’t true.
I didn’t need ANYONE to tell me this wasn’t true..

I was freakin out.. for the 1st time in my life I was actually saying :
I’M THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO TELL ME, THIS IS NOT TRUE.

No One Else Can Tell You What Your Truth Is!!!

Only YOU Can Tell YOU What Your Truth Is!

YOU Are NOT Worthless!

YOU Have An Amazing Future [If] You Want To Have One!

“There is something wrong with me”


Break Your Barriers, Face Your Fears And Live Your Life..
Please, We owe it to ourselves.

God Bless You!

Dan–

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Comments

6 Comments on Breaking Barriers

  1. Rick Butts on Tue, 23rd Feb 2010 1:35 am
  2. Wow –

    Massive catharsis Mr Dan! I think the great value of this great article is the perseverance in your story.

    All too often I think we get so bummed by the inner friction that we somehow want to just settle the matter that we are bad, or losers, or at the very least, weak, but, you kept at the search, the journey, to find a handle, and now you can’t keep quiet.

    I’m thinking your transparency and heart will help a lot of people – stay with it man.

    Rick Butts
    IMHBAO

  3. DanLopez2012 on Tue, 23rd Feb 2010 10:56 am
  4. Blessings Brother,
    heh heh.. transparency, it’s a double edged sword.

    Unfortunately many are not reality based.
    So, when adversity hits, the defacto response is “Where’s my quick fix?”
    Truth be told, that was my response once I began to submit to the thought that I was broken.

    Where’s my quick fix? I had railed…
    “It shouldn’t be this hard”, and such terms as these flew through the cranium at Mach5000 :) Fortunately I’ve got holes in my head or else they would still be bouncing around up there.

    But, I really do hope that this helps others.
    Life is such a precious process and keeping to sage wisdom as opposed to advertised beliefs is the only way to free oneself from the bondage of our past or even present mindsets.

    Perception is 9/10th’s

    –Dan

  5. Sharon Hayes on Tue, 23rd Feb 2010 1:14 pm
  6. Dan, Thanks for sharing this with us. Since you’ve read my posts at http://iweighttrain.com, you know I’ve grappled with a similar thing. I had a couple of back to back situations where people said that I wasn’t “good enough.”

    I guess to some extent we were flip sides of the same coin. In your case, you weren’t cognizant of what the issue was and couldn’t do anything to overcome the damages continually made. In my case, I still hear the echo of the words even though 2 decades have passed but I used it to make sure that no one could ever say those words to me again.

    We both got damaged. Some may say that because I used it to motivate/drive me, I handled it positively. I’m not so sure because the words still are there. It doesn’t matter what is outside of us – how people perceive us – it is what is inside that matters. I struggled for a long time with how I handled this. It never felt right. But I didn’t want to go the other direction and let it negatively impact me.

    Kudos to you for coming forward like you did. From my own experience, I know it’s not easy. I hope that this will be the start of a new path and direction for you. The big thing is to make peace with what was said. That starts with forgiveness so that you can move on.

  7. Alissa Fereday on Tue, 23rd Feb 2010 1:44 pm
  8. My wonderful, lovable Dan,

    Being a survivor of sexual molestation myself, from a grandfather who passed away many years ago, I certainly can relate closely to your struggles. I spent most of my life after that incident trying to make up for being my own self-labeled titles of “damaged goods” and “not good enough”. Countless years in differing forms of prof. therapy and self therapy, deep nearly-lifelong depression, weight issues, eating disorders, out of control drinking, people pleasing, over-achieving to the point of exhaustion, abusive marriage, anger release exercises, books, seminars, hibernating, the therapy of my artwork… anything I could do or find to make me actually REALLY like myself, have even a couple of “hours” of untainted happiness and value myself past what this distant incident had helped install in my head. I thought that life was just to painful to want to stay on earth, luckily, I never had the courage to do anything about it. I was so alone.

    Boy, are things different now. It took me working with many wonderful friends & coaches ( you’re included in that list), going right through many of the fears that tied me down (hence the name fearlessartz), self-help books, & learning that I COULD choose and change my thoughts and what I manifest/ attract in my life. My search for self love & value has finally come to be a VERY fruitful quest. I am happy and blessed past what I could have ever fathomed back then. And I actually totally know that I am lovable as I am and that going through all that made me who I am. I am so very grateful for all of it too & for being able to help others now. It’s no wonder we connected, and even though we don’t talk all that often, I knew intuitively how special you are.

    I love you my friend, thank you for your courage to share your story with the world (it’s not easy to hit that submit button is it? … as I think the same to myself about this posting) but it IS very liberating. And no wonder so many people love you, including me,

    Alissa

    http://twitter.com/AlissaFereday

    http://www.fearlessartz.com/

  9. Jamie Inman on Tue, 23rd Feb 2010 3:20 pm
  10. Dear, dear Dan
    I already sent you an email response but let me say publicly that you have shown immense courage in this process, not only in facing your fears, but in sharing your story with the world. You are not alone, and I know someone out there needs to know that he or she is not alone. Part of the damage of those false beliefs is the delusion that we are the only ones, the craziest, stupidest, filthiest, etc., and no one could possibly understand: and certainly no one would love us if they knew what imposters we are!
    I admire you and thank you for including me in your journey.
    Love and prayers
    Jamie
    @ibeatcancrtwice
    PS you might appreciate the tagline on my new website, http://www.jamieinmanmft.com

  11. Alex Karis on Wed, 24th Feb 2010 3:00 pm
  12. Dan! Still reeling in my thoughts about this post…I honestly must say this one of the most candid authentic posts I have ever read from someone. I know this will liberate others that may be suffering in similar ways and allow them to step outside the boundaries that maybe holding them from success as well. This is inspiring to say the least, so proud to know you and am enamored by your courage to Turn the face the beliefs inside you and to re-discover the man you are and have always been.

    Seems this has also struck a note with others sharing in the dialogue as well, which is proof in and of itself that when someone speaks their truth it opens the dialogue for countless other to get introspective of their own lives. Thank you so much for your dedication to people and most importantly for inspiring me to take a look internal as well, I sense I still have some skeletons as well. I take comfort in one belief that guides me well “When Unhealthy Beliefs surface, I choose to recognize that beliefs are never true..it is our thoughts about them that create the chaos. Therefore…my work is in changing the perception of the belief.” Aha, there goes one now ..Belief “what will they think of me” <–belief changed to "how silly of me to think that I am the center of someone else's universe….LOL, now thats funny"

    In Gratitude my friend….Alex

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