And Then There Was One

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Filed under: Spirit 

I know you and I don’t know you..

Something that helped me while going through several years of living in the basement of my own home, taking care of my littleone more than my spouse, while suffering from no income.. but giving all of me to my daughter while my wife who suffers bipolar and post traumatic stress, who worked nights and had affairs and went back to drinking continued to do her best to make me feel like I was worth less than the air I was breathing….

The thing that helped me, was to understand that…..Suffering is optional

I asked for this… This was part of my contract with life..
This was part of my universal lesson, which was to give me the lessons I needed to keep in the forefront of my mind while I am going through every adversity that comes my way..

  • How am I going to accept this?
  • How am I going to allow, and or let go?
  • How am I going to be completely okay with me through it all?
  • What the hell am I supposed to learn from this?
  • What power am I giving away from the inner peace that always resides within?
  • How do I reclaim that inner peace that overcomes all things and all people?
  • How do I accept that this is what I asked for?
  • How do I love myself, and let myself, my innerself know, that everything is going to be alright?
  • How do I love myself unconditionally at all times?

Can I really afford to let anything outside of myself dictate how I am, how I feel, what I think, and how I react?

Detachment… with love if possible.
Detach with indifference if needed.

No not nothing is capable of doing anything to me that I do not allow… what am I allowing? why? who? when?

I’ll be upfront with you.. suicide was a considered option for many times during that period… It has even snuck up on me even after I was removed from my home…

For me…
This no longer is an option… life is too precious, and if the only person I give completely to is my daughter, then that single life is worth giving my presence to.. for me…

I feel your pain and want nothing but to hug you through this… but sharing of myself is the best way I can do that…

We asked for this, it was part of our agreement when we chose to enter into this plane, through the family we chose at the time that we chose into the lineage we chose, the environment we chose and those around us whom we are in contact with… we chose all of it…

Therefore, I’m ultimately responsible for everything that happens in my life.. everything… and every-one in it for that matter…

Life is adverse, suffering is optional…

Until the next post
Stay loved
Dan Lopez

Don’t Go

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Filed under: Focus 

He did what?

Killed himself, he was suffering from depression…

O how often I contemplated this over and over again in my own life…
Yeah I’m putting it out there, why?

For the simple reason that I believe many have these thoughts and deny them. They refuse to let others know, and the result is a suffer in silence syndrome.

Why do we go on? I don’t know, I don’t know why some persevere and why others don’t. At the end of one episode, I spent a month overdosing over and over again in hopes of a release from life entirely never to return. I had no way out that I knew was possible.

That was in 1986, quite a while back. I was blessed with a confrontation that asked if I was willing to see an alternative. With nothing left to lose, I accepted the offer.

I would, love to tell you I’ve never looked back since. But I would be lying and well, one thing I’ve been in my writings is transparent. No, you don’t need to know my business, no You don’t have the right to be in my business.. I share it willingly, why?

I don’t know why really… Maybe my words will touch someone and they too can see its worth a shot at sticking it out one more day, and then let the days add up until the desire to leave this place has passed.


Sometimes there really seem to be no way out, we allow ourselves to close our worlds into the such confined places that nothing comes in and nothing goes out.

And even when we’re putting ourselves out there, encouraging others, hearing the thanks and gratitude from others for sharing their time and lifting them up being told we’re awesome day after day. Our walls are impervious to everything good that wants return our blessings, why?

For most, we’ve developed a habit, an emotional, physical and yes spiritual conditioning over time that doesn’t want to be given up. We feel less than perfect, less than normal less than human. And god forbid we know others know what we’re going through. That would only make us feel worse. So we don’t tell anyone… no one, not family not friends, no, not no one, no way.

I would love to offer anyone reading this who feels like they’re not only stuck, but cannot possibly see no way out from their current situation, but…

The truth is we have to commit ourselves to the possibility that there is another way first. We have to accept that this is a very real life threatening condition we’re facing and if we don’t allow the ability to consider the possibilities of alternatives, then we’re going to follow through and we’re going to check out.

Thats just a fact. We’ll be just another statistic. People, are suffering from torture, real physical bodily harm torture at the hands of lunatics and even famlily members. People are being sent to jail for money & living in real life threat of imprisonment for money…. Money we don’t have… It’s just fuckin money for godsake!??!?

And thats just a touch, not to mention those who are being seriously tortured emotionally by friends and family and peers and even strangers…

To all these, I say there is a way out. Sounds insane, but we’ve been living in insanity for so long that the possibility of something other than what we’ve been living seems more fantasy than reality, and I completely agree with you.

It does sound unreal, but ts very very very real… I’m a fuckin living example that its real. I live for another day. And sometimes, THATS ALL I live for, just one more day…

You deserve just one more day, we all deserve just one more day, please for godsake give yourself one more day and reach out and let someone hold your hand and lead you to something Anything other than checking out

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Thats just one way, there are thousands of others, if we’re just willing to give another minute to our thoughts, just long enough, just…. long… enough…
It’s possible, its more possible than we can currently imagine…

Stay alive, please, we need you, your friends need you, you’re family needs you… I need you!

Trey Pennington

In Memory of Trey Pennington 09-04-2011

Let me wipe my tears long enough to see the keyboard and tell you, you think you’re alone, but you’re not, you think you’re the only one who’s going through this shit, you’re not, we’re out here, we’ve been there, and we’re alive to tell you you’re not alone.

I implore you beautiful soul; one more day, just reach out and give it one more day.

I love you always…

Thoughts Vs Feelings

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Filed under: Mind 

I’ve studied the Edgar Cayce readings since 1987. Having cleaned up some chemical dendencies and enrolled in 12 group[s], it became apparent they didn’t have all the spiritual answers I needed passed the spiritual program we were in.

I think I completed around forty five to seventy books in about 2 years. All based on the Edgar Cayce readings. For a time I would focus on one topic, divulge all the related books on that topic and then move on to the next.

Meditating as instructed, praying as suggested and living in what I thought was a temperate maximum between the 12 steps and higher conscious living…

There is one maybe two, okay two things that I kept having a serious problem with. One was that I was a broken spirit, and the second was, I didn’t know how I could be repaired.

Act as if. This was a powerful action step.
Since I was told that feelings are not facts, I accepted that and applied the wisdom to act as if my feelings were something I could not trust.

After all, when you have nothing to dull your senses, everything is raw, so living in a constant reactive state to life, kinda makes us what we today term a drama queen. Every little thing hurts. A friend was always telling me that at times the pain was so intense, that even her hair hurt. It was just an analogy, but damn if I didn’t relate to that sometimes myself.

Thoughts vs Feelings: The chicken & the egg syndrom.

Apparently we have thoughts that make us feel and we certainly have feelings which stir-up thoughts of all manners… So, which comes first?

Have you ever had a feeling that wasn’t driven by any particular thought at all? They may be rare occassions, but they do seem to happen, at least to me they have. I mean all of a sudden we’re either sunk to our depths for absolutely no reason whatsoever, or we’re calm and completely sublime for the same damn reason.

If there are no thoughts which engage us, from where do these rushes of emotions derive? And why?

Obviously we can think ourselves sick. Like worrying… I’ve learned that worry is a direct result of fear, and fear is a direct result of doubt. Subsequently doubt has its origins in lack of faith, and faith being the belief in things unseen, has its own wonderment.

But feelings are quite queer bedfellows if you’ll pardon the expression.
They’re untrustworthy, in my honest opinion, not that I place all my faith in the concept of mental reason, which certainly has its own pitfalls.

But feelings.. and thoughts… How do we know which is which?

If I said to you “I feel like a lowlife piece of shit.” Is that a literal that can be taken as a physical description? Or is it a thought formed by some simili used to desribe how I Think of myself?

I think I’m happy… What does this mean? Have you ever been asked how you felt and used this phrase as a response? You THINK you’re happy? Really? I might be apt to disagree with your self examination there buddy.

I had a friend corner me once and have me repeat several times how I felt, as I responded each time with they way I felt, he pointed his finger either to my head or to my gut. Based on my responses, I had quite the knot on my head when we were done with this little excercise..

So it seems, that I completely felt with my head… at the time. Which made sense to me, because for a mojor portion of my life I was expressing all my emotions with one single emotional response, and that was with anger.

Why anger? Its indestructible, or so I thought.

I am statements, I am happy, I am angry, I am joyful, I am sad.
Each of these describes emotions, somewhere some over-intelligent individual decided that men and women have a distinct difference in the number of emotions bettwen them. While a man may have say 26 emotions, it was suggested that a woman has up to but not limited to 117 different emotions…

Really??? Really? Where the hell did all these emotions suddenly appear from?
We’re one single human race bestowed with thoughts and emotions, how is it there is such an imbalance between men and women? I’ll postulate that there are only a certain degree of emotions between either side of the species…

The categorical difference is in processing of such things as events and connecting them to different emotions to develop new meaning for the original base emotion set. But don’t take my word for it, if you think there are more emotions for one than the other, remind yourself to ask the feel question and see whether they are thought based or gut based.

I ran this by a friend, and while I agree men are basically wired in ape brain fashion, if we were to ask a man in touch with his emotions whether he had less emotions than a woman I think the unbeliever would be surprised at the response.

I feel like you’re not respecting my space.
I feel you don’t love me
I feel I’m the only one who does anything around here

These are not feelings.. do you think they are? …{To Be Continued}

Until the next post
Stay focused
Dan Lopez

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