Breaking Barriers

Sometimes, what’s really holding you back are the
very things that have been haunting you all your life.

These are the very essences of beliefs.. how do I know?
Very recently I had to face one of the biggest beliefs that have haunted me since I was nine years old.

Because of the extremely sensitive nature of this belief
I can and will only divulge this info to those who care about
changing they’re own destructive negative belief.

I can tell you it was a statement, just one single solitary
statement.. which, by itself could have been fluffed off had it
been made at a different time of my life…

But since it happened during a very influential time, it became quite real. I believed it. I believed it because situations in my life
seemed to be proving that it was true.

Things just weren’t happening for me. Nothing was ever going right.
When things did go right, they seemed to be short lived and lasted only for brief periods.. to the point where hard times became a way a of life.

No matter the amount of effort I would put into improving myself,
my learning, my knowledge, my wisdom, my abilities and my professional skills… My belief lived on.

You with me so far?

Even as I write this I can literally hear the shadow of that statement being made in my minds ear with distinct clarity. The only difference
between now and my last thirty six years of living is…
It Is NOT True For Me Any More.

I can repeat the statement to myself today, right now and I can just feel within my heart of hearts that this is NOT true.

But only a short while ago, this was not the case. I was completely
and emphatically under the spell of this statement. It was true…
There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was true..
How else could I explain my life? There was no other statement that could completely sum up he very fiber of my existence.

Until I changed it.

I’m not talkin about some fluffy little challenge here to overcome some little anxiety you may be experiencing now and again…
I’m talking a belief so debilitating that I literally would sit completely imobilized by the sheer weight of the belief. Unable to communicate or take action in any form.

I would isolate for very long periods..
I would be questioned by friends and family and have absolutely no answer for them. I would be stuck in my head for what seemed like hours weeks months and even years and still not be any where better than when I started.

This is the kind of thing that…
Counseling couldn’t help.
Therapy couldn’t help.
Reading couldn’t help.
Drugs couldn’t help.
Wealth couldn’t help.
Prayers couldn’t help.
Meditations couldn’t help
Affirmations couldn’t help.
Education couldn’t help.
Music couldn’t help.
Sex couldn’t help, well, for a time anyways.
Self help couldn’t help, nor could NLP practitioners.

Nothing, I mean NO THING would help.

After all for 36 some odd years I didn’t even know what the hell it was to begin with..

Then suddenly I started hearing things like
limiting beliefs
negative beliefs and
limiting negative beliefs..
Yeah, I know, same thing, but what the hell?

I mean, I lived a decent childhood up to a certain point, when all hell broke loose… As do most adolecents…
But this was, for many, a time when the adults in our lives were undergoing massive shifts in their own lives.. Things just sucked for everyone… Alcoholism was more than a way of life, it was life.
Child abuse was just a form of dicipline, living in terror was a norm.
Or just being ignored was actually a form of Gods Grace.

Now I may or may not be exaggerating a bit, I know of a few who were actually hospitalized during these times of their lives or even worse raped for some… being sexually abused was just another chain of events that proved the belief. When reaching out and trying to expose my tormentors I was rebuked as they were friends of the family and would never be expected to have acted out in such manor, so I must be delusional right?

Anyways…

I knew there was something wrong, but for the life of me
I could not in no definitive way place the exact point on what was
destroying me every living minute of the day.

Until one day it just hit me…
It was at a climatic time in my life…

[to be continued...]

Read more

Keys, wallet, cellphone, briefcase off I go…

Hit the alarm
Pat the betrothed
Relief
Shower
Brush
Shave
Coffee…
Email…
Hi kids, bye kids..
Keys, wallet, cellphone, briefcase off I go…

1 Two hour ride into the city
1a Email…
2 Two ninety minute meetings with two different teams
2a Email…
3 One thirty minute lunch
3a Email…
4 Four twenty minute calls with clients
4a Email…
5 Ninety minutes with the underlings
5a Email…
6 One stroll through production floors
6a Email…
7 Two hours of report on project status updates
7a Email…
8 Last minute review of next days agenda
8a Email…
Keys, wallet, cellphone, briefcase off I go…

Two hour ride from the city
Kiss betrothed
Toss Keys, wallet, cellphone, briefcase
Mail…trash, bills, trash, bills, trash, bill
Hi kids, goodnite kids…
Devour cold dinner
Brush
Relief
Email….
Hi Leno, goodnite Leno, goodnite dear…
Zzzzzzzzzzz…

Hit the alarm…
Pat the betrothed
Relief
Shower
Brush
Shave
Coffee…
Hi kids?… Where are the kids dear?… “They moved out years ago,
how many times do I have to remind you?”
[Sigh...]
Email…
Keys, wallet, cellphone, briefcase off I go…

1 Two hour ride into the city
1a Email…
Where’s my Email?

Fred? Fred, what are you doing here? Didn’t you get the email?
“What email?”
Fred… you were let go last friday…
“Which friday?”
Fred, last Friday. We down-sized, you’re whole department was let go…
Was there a severance?”
No Fred, we voted that out years ago everyone got the memo..
Fred, Fred are you okay? You don’t look so good.
SECURITY!???!!

We’re here at the scene where Fred Iznotokayz was last seen carrying the head of department leader Bill Shoulduvknown …

Focused Fiction…